| 07 Novembers for the 2008th time Why is so hard for us (humanity) to be real? To be vulnerable? To make mistakes? Be embarassed? Laughed at? I try to cover who I am by not giving out personal identifible information yet, the mask I hide behind does not free me. It is the strange phenomenon of revealing who/what you really are yet we still try to project what we should be or what others tell us to be. Who is this invisible others? The uncountable outside world? The fleeting everyone and noone?? The only thing constant in the world is change-India Arie Gorgeously twisted, disturbed life. Full of changes some so fast and gigantic that you are left rocked for better or opposite. Yet most are so subtle, creeping at such a deceitful pace. Once the change is complete you are left dumb-founded confused, in a stupor that gives rise to the question "Where am I? And how did I get here" I pose the question to myself and any who might read this. . . where am i? what happened between then & now? is my now what i imagined? i'm i happy right now?? |
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| I'm a very private xangan . . . |
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| Well, well, well.....
I read somewhere that it's very surprising how much you can learn about yourself just by reading what you wrote in the past. I've found this to be true
Let me put you up on game  !!! I am back home and I've done some quiet observing of myself and others like my friends and family. I've figured out that with myself ...I'm a dreamer, and while this can be rewarding it hinders b/c I'll spend time just thinking of a great idea and very little time getting it in action. I give up too easily. When thangs start getting tuff I either bow out or complain about it. But if I live life like this I'll always just get 2nd rate in what I want out of life. I have an authority problem with my parents and while I may not be able to explain this entirely but I see it in my dad's face when I catch an attitude, and in my mom's mannerisms when I start complaing to her. I mean really aren't I a little too old to be actin like a punk-ass kid??? Life isn't perfect but that doesn't mean it's still not good, or something worth living
From my family I've learned that I'm not perfect, and that there are alot of simlple things I could do to make their lives easier like shutting up and actually listening. Stop putting them down and being sooo judgemental. And just giving them some more R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!
From my friends Ive learned that some of them must think more of me than I think of myself and that's the reason why they lie about things like drinking, and somking, and what not. I've learned to take ppl as they are and not read into the friendship more than what's actually there. If I am reachin out and not being reached back, let it go. It might be that I don't fit into their life, or schedule at the moment, and vice-versa. If I pay attention enough I can tell what kind of friends I have and had. I found out that one friend is for a long haul, and that others were just for the season. And still others I have yet to determine what they are, but as long as I have them I will enjoy them as they are.
Well there it is folks, I've drained enuff of myself for one night, so until next time, Keep on Keeping On
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